The 8 Best Things About Being Sick When You're An Adult

As a kid, I begged the heavens to catch something viral so I could skip school. As a high school student, that didn't change. As a college student, my professors begged me to stay the hell out of their classrooms. And now, as a post-grad, I make the exact opposite wish of what I made in elementary school. Getting the day off for lack of health is more of a stresser than a treasure. It's not vacation, it's a day of work without someone reining in my A.D.D. so I don't lose focus of what I'm supposed to get done.

But--you're not here to hear me complain. You're here because you also dread getting sick in the middle of a full-time job and need something to pick your spirits up when you catch (it is, I assure you, inevitable) whatever it is that's slowly shrouding the office in illness. Here are some pros about being sick despite the nuisance it is.

1. You can eat comfort food all day.

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Eggos, bananas, applesauce, popsicles, oranges, crackers, soup, etc. An entire kids' menu of foods that give you the warm and fuzzies is at your disposal. Sure beats eating the frozen chicken wings you crammed into a circular tupperware box last night. Of course, you have to have all these things in order for them to be at your disposal, which is why you're going to pick them up in the morning, which leads me to the next great thing about working at home.

2. You can leave the house looking like an inmate and people will basically stay out of your way. Take it from Liz Lemon, you'll save a lot of time as people recoil in horror and give you their spots in line.

3. Offices are the bain of cinema. Misery abounds good stories like Office Space and like the title implies, offices are often the hub in which misery spawns and permeates life. That kind of story does well because this is what a typical office looks like:

Wild River Rogues

And this is what a typical home office looks like:

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See what I mean?

4. Two words: T. V. 

Science Daily

Chances are, you're not watching Days of Our Lives or reruns of My Strange Obsession at work. Not everyone is comforted by melodramatic exchanges between lovers who didn't know they were actually siblings (whoops!). When you're home sick, you can turn the tube on and fill the background with whatever daytime show you would otherwise miss while at work.

5. All the time is tea time. This one recalls the first item, but needs its place on the list. A sick day is the best time to experiment with the idea that you might be a tea drinker.

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Years ago, I looked at tea drinkers as if they were amateurs. I used coffee to fuel my productivity and that's the way it should be, dammit. Then I went to London and nearly had my head lobbed off for looking down on it. I figured if the entire United Kingdom gets it, then I should give it a try. I took it upon myself one fine sick-day to give it a go. I think I drank a pool's worth of tea. I felt amazing and the word "crumpet" made itself a special little place in my heart. Tea is the bomb-diggity, and you should drown yourself in it when you're out sick. You can even pretend to be British if you want. You're mad with illness anyway, remember? No one cares.

7. You can read during your lunch break.

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At the office you probably eat and work at the same time, precariously balancing a burrito over your laptop. Since all of what you'll be eating when you're sick is an advanced form of baby food, you won't have to prepare anything you have to devote all your attention to. Burritos and pizza slices are messy and require both hands. Apple sauce containers and peanut butter sandwiches are less complicated. Not to mention, as a sick person, your top priority is to get better. Relax and read before you get back to work

8. You basically get to be a baby with a better skill set. Friends start talking sweet to you, you don't have to bathe if you don't feel like it, and people don't take offense when you communicate only through short grunts and whimpers. What's even better is that you can still operate a moving vehicle if you need to do something important like put out a fire or get more tea.

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