Holidays in January That Might Be Messing With Us
1. Run it Up the Flagpole and See if Anyone Salutes Day
When: Jan. 2.
This is a day where we're supposed to celebrate the act of brainstorming ideas--or as the day's title would say: running it (the idea) up the flagpole (sharing it with peers) and seeing if anyone salutes (tells you it isn't terrible). Holiday Insights says this is the day to encourage creativity. They say:
Use this day to try and test new ideas and concepts. Don't limit the ideas to business applications. In your personal life, try out a new dress or clothing style, perhaps a different haircut. Or, maybe buy a new houseflag and run it up the flagpole to see if anyone salutes...or even notices.
In short, this is a day for impulse decisions. Want a mohawk? Do it. Don't think your staff needs to waste time filling out a W-9? Forget about it! Want to buy milk wearing nothing but spanks and a rubber glove tied around your waste? January second is THE NIGHT to do so; I guarantee the aisles will be filled with people wearing just that.
2. Festival of Sleep Day
When: Jan 3.
January third is all about sleeping off the holiday daze and the mental workout you got from January second. Apparently, regardless of work obligations or other responsibilities, we're supposed to sleep in and get as much snoozing done as possible. It's the perfect excuse for when your boss finds you sleeping at your desk, drooling a small ocean into the keyboard: "But sir, it's the Festival of Sleep, and snoring is the song of my people." Your boss will then be obligated to send out a newsletter immediately turning the one o'clock budget meeting into a culturally sensitive nap-time.
3. Old Rock Day
When: Jan 7th.
I'm not sure how to determine the age of a rock, but as we did with our pet rocks, I think a bit of imagination is required. There is little known about this holiday but the gist is to enjoy rocks in whatever way you see fit, which means the possibilities are endless!(!!!) Think about it, many things are considered old rocks: coal, jewels, fossils, cat littler--seriously, endless fun. You can also invest in one of these:
And if you can actually get the thing to work, tell me how immediately.
4. Play God Day
When: Jan 9th.
According to Holiday Insights, this is not a time in which we gather small animals into a model-sized village and manipulate their fates with our big human-brains. It's much more simple than that. We're merely supposed to do good. God is good and on this day, the ninth of January, you shall go into the world to love and to serve, as opposed to the other 364 days when hell-raising is fair game. Surely, the meaning is not lost in the title. Definitely not.
5. Male Watchers Day
When: Jan 8th.
Since a man's favorite past-time is looking at females, this holiday is dedicated to giving women a WHOLE, GOSH-DARN DAY to ogle men.
H.I. says on their sight: Ladies, here is a day that you can thoroughly enjoy! Male Watcher's Day is for all of you ladies out there to go out and watch the guys. After all, they have their fun watching the ladies. Now, it's your turn.
My girlfriends (read: girls that are friends) will be thrilled! I would be too if I were allowed to participate, but apparently this is a girls'-day-out kind of thing. I think I'm going to create my own holiday called, "Watching Male Watchers Day," which will consist of gay men watching their girls freak men out with blank stares.
That sounds kind of fun, actually.
6. Feast of Fabulous, Wild Men Day or Male Watchers Day 2.0
H.I. again had no research to back up that this holiday actually exists. I looked and I didn't find anything either, but that doesn't mean we can't celebrate yet another day of looking at men for no reason other than the pretense of a widely unknown holiday. I imagine this is much like Male Watchers Day, except the men have to be wild... and fabulous.
Like the Cowardly Lion.
7. Humiliation Day
When: Jan 3.
8. Nothing Day
When: Jan 16.
This one is literally about doing nothing. Unfortunately the 16th falls smack-dab in the middle of the week this year--prime time for thing-doing. Unless your boss knows about it, I would tell him before the 16th, seeing that if you tell him on the 16th that will count as doing something and therefore contradict the whole non-celebration and ruin everything. All literal interpretations aside, though, this one sounds pretty nice, especially after running around the holidays like a maniac.
9. Opposite Day
When: Jan 25.
This day is the worst when it comes to messing with your head. It's the only holiday that contradicts itself. Whenever you say, "It's Opposite Day" on Opposite Day, that technically means it isn't. You'd have to say "It's not Opposite Day," to say that it is, which means you can basically never say "It's Opposite Day." That phrase will always mean the opposite since you can't say, "It's Opposite Day," on Opposite Day, and if it isn't Opposite Day, you can't very well SAY THAT IT IS, NOW CAN YOU. This holiday was created to drive us mad. Watching someone's expression while you explain all that is really fun though. People will resist your nitpicking at first, but you can tell them to just save it for International Skeptics Day.
10. International Skeptics Day
When: Jan 13.
The day on which we consider January holidays.