5 Reasons To Not Beat Yourself Up Over Being Bullied


You’ve had a bully. Even if you were one, you probably had one. In fact, I’ll bet that having one turned you into one at least a little. Those formative years of childhood were hard because we didn’t know how to tell bullies we didn’t deserve any of their crap. Then again, bullies are really good at making people feel like they deserve to be treated badly. As kids, and hell, even as adults, it’s hard to fathom how we could ever grit our teeth and deny the harmful things a bully says and does. But it is possible. We just have to remind ourselves of our worth.

Bullies are desperate for control. When we lose control over something in our lives, we’re not happy about it. Losing control means losing power and not having power is something we have trouble coping with. When someone starts using you as a failsafe to gain back whatever power he/she has lost, you’ve got to know the reflection of weakness is on the bully, not you. This isn’t a showcase of might; it’s something more akin to flailing in the deep end of a swimming pool.

Bullying is a coward’s trick. The reason comic book heroes keep getting sequels is because they don’t attack weaker people. By archetype, a hero sees her power as a privilege and a responsibility rather than a right. A hero turns into a bully when she becomes so craven that she manipulates the security of those weaker than herself.

There’s no glory in having the advantage. A bully has plenty of advantage, whether it’s social, financial, or a matter of intelligence, a jerk thinks he has also inherited or gained the right to make you feel worse for the lack thereof. Making others feel worse for not having as much is cheap, and foolish. There’s no glory for the bully when he sheds his integrity to remind you how wonderful your life isn’t. It’s often the case that he’s unaware of how astonishingly unattractive this is. If anyone should get a pity party, it’s him.

The reason you’re being bullied might be because you’ve got it going on. Jealousy is an ugly mask; it hides its wearer’s envy, and disguises it as something better than you. The crossing of your path with the one of this bully is unfortunate. For your own sake, you have to see through the facade and resist the urge to mirror the bully’s juvenile attempt to make you feel crappy. The best way of getting her to shut up is to make it clear that you’re going to keep your integrity intact before you sink to her level.

The position of forgiveness is a position of power. When you feel like you’ve been reduced to nothing by some jerk, keep in mind that your future is fortified with the possibility of being asked for forgiveness. If the bully matures enough to see what she did was wrong, then she’ll likely be compelled by guilt to make things right. Power can be illustrated as having the ability of not having to please, and you will be in the position to decide whether you’ll give your pardon.

Be sure to check out Compliment Grams, a HooplaHa production about ending bullying through compliments. Ever since the WeStopHate Club started selling compliment grams to students at Winfield High School during lunch period, the school has become a kinder, friendlier place.

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