11 Stocking Stuffers You Want In Your Stocking

Stocking stuffers are easier than you think. This is the place where you can give your loved ones things that are useful, but wouldn't present int a wrapped box under the tree.

For example: I love pens, and nail clippers. If my parents handed me an elaborately wrapped box containing pens and nail clippers, my heart would shrink 328 sizes too small and I would destroy Christmas by hiding everyone's left shoe in the toilet.

Put those handy trinkets in a stocking however, and I'm good to go. Stocking stuffers are like the appetizers to the main course. The small things you are glad to have, that whet your appetite for the bigger stuff.

Here's a list of fantastic stocking stuffers that your friends/family/coworkers/probation officers will LURVE.

1. Toothbrush

Who doesn't need an extra toothbrush? Attending a destination wedding? No need to worry about knocking the flower girl out with your dragon breath, my friend! 'Cause you just got an extra toothbrush you can put in your suitcase for JUST those circumstances.

2. A good pen (as mentioned above)

Writers aren't the only people that like to write with fancy things. You're kidding yourself if you don't sometimes wish you could write your to-do lists with THIS:

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Remind yourself to pick up the milk, like a sir.

3. Peppermint bark

Because it never sounds good at any other time of the year. Right now though, it's delicious. NOMZIES.

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4. Other chocolate too

Because why the hell not?

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5. Hair-ties

If I had a nickel for every time a long-haired person asked, "Anyboddeh gotta hair taiiii?" I would not only pay off my student loans immediately, I would pay off my future, hypothetical children's loans as well.

6. Multi-tool

My straight friend tells me this gift would make any day feel like Christmas. At first I thought it was a monster from Star Trek but apparently it can do BASICALLY EVERYTHING you'd want any one tool to do. In the image below I believe it's in kill mode.

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7. Movie tickets

This Christmas is especially good for movies; Les Mis AND Django are premiering on the same magical hour of mid-night. Hooray. Let'sgolet'sgolet'sgo.

8. Speaking of pieces of paper that represent other, more valuable pieces of paper... gift cards!

Sometimes I just ask my family for gift cards because they're the gift of shopping. With a gift card you can pick out the gift yourself. You can unabashedly declare you don't like something in a dressing room, instead of silently hating it in front of an ernest relative.

9. Oral B Brush Aways

Oh dear, you just ate a spinach salad with broccoli, alfalfa sprouts, quinoa, and what might as well have been grass clippings, and now your teeth look like you tried to make out with the lawn. You won't wipe your teeth with a napkin because that's gross! What to do?? NO WORRIES, FRIEND. Since you got these bad boys, you can stuff as many leaves in your mouth as you want and wipe them off right there at the table! Go get 'em!

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10. Their favorite candy

Every time I asked someone in the office what they like to find in their stockings, the first (and sometimes the second) response was always, "candy." Candy is a lame gift gift, but in a stocking, it's great. If your loved ones have the same relationship with their favorite candy as I do with Kit Kat's, they will not be disappointed.

11. Gag gifts

This is the stuffer that keeps on giving. If your kids freak out because the X-Box you got them doesn't have wi-fi or brew hot chocolate in the back, get a little harmless revenge with Black Mouth Candy. Since they are children, they will probably love it anyway. A day with a little humor is never wasted, not even on the kids you may have accidentally spoiled rotten.

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Happy stuffing!

 

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