The Safest Cities With The Strangest Laws
When you don't have to crack down on crimes that are actual crimes, you crack down on things that appear to have been chosen at random. In the following cities, the law is quirkier than a New Girl marathon.
You're not allowed to swear if you're a woman. Good thing because you potty-mouthed girls are REALLY PUSHING IT.
In addition to having a name that sounds like an alien tooth-brush company, Provo-Orem did another strange thing when it out-lawed snowball fights. You don't even have to be in a real fight, it's illegal to throw snow period.
How I imagine this kind of altercation would go down:
Officer: Did you just throw snow at that rock?
Provo-Oremian: Um, no.
Officer: We caught you on our snowball-cam hidden in that bush. Care to explain you sick brute?
Provo-Oremian: I CAN'T STAND IT. YES, YES IT WAS ME! LOCK ME UP, PUT ME AWAY, I DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE! I'M A MONSTEEERRRRRR!
It may not be the land of crime, but it certainly is the land of buzzkills. Minors are not allowed out past 10pm. Womp womp.
Another two-for-two. Watch out Utah...
This city, while apparently founded by Germans in 1846, might have REALLY been founded by witches, since it's illegal to sprinkle water to the annoyance of others. An odd crime for a city on the shore of Lake Michigan, unless of course the founding witches were allergic to water... which they obviously were.
State College, Pennsylvania
At first I thought Gawker was yanking my cranker when they listed this one, but it's actually a city, and not just Penn State. See?
It's name is not as confusing as it's law against singing in the bathtub. Either every house has really thin walls, or all the residents have extremely powerful vocal chords. When anyone steps into the shower and grows confident enough to belt Ave Maria, the whole town is bombarded with a surprise opera. I guess that would rub on one's nerves.
Who's naming these places? Big Bird?
The biggest cattle enthusiasts next to India, the law-makers of Oshkosh-Neenah have given livestock the right of way. What? Don't get indignant. They really have to get to that patch of grass on the other side of the road. Folks gotta drive, cows gotta graze.
Nassau-Suffolk, New York
Apparently hyphenated titles are a prerequisite to low crime-rates.
According to Gawker, this is the part of Long Island that isn't the Hamptons, Brooklyn or Queens. The focus of our attention is even smaller: in Head of the Harbor in Suffolk County, you're not allowed to have a picnic in public. I've always thought red-checkered fabrics on a lawn is just obscene. Now I finally feel vindicated, so thank you, Nassau-Suffolk. You are a credit to our nation and to aesthetics in general.
Edison, New Jersey
Their quirked out law is state-wide, and well known: You cannot pump your own gas. Since we're going state-wide with this one, let's look at some other NJ laws that were obviously created by your older sibling when he was 9.
No knitting during fishing season.
No frowning at police officers.
You better think TWICE about slurping your soup.. because that's also illegal.
It is also illegal to delay, or detain a homing-pigeon... thank God.
This one's also a state law: It is illegal to spit on the sidewalk. I appreciate this one; there seems to be little justice carried out against the person who hawks a loogi on the sidewalk for everyone to look at and then dry-heave over for the next minute and a half.
Green Bay, Wisonsin
Hooray, WI! You win safest cities.
But don't celebrate with a raucous joy-ride or drag race because owners of leaky cars can be fined $1 per drip on the pavement. A fire-y chariot race down a cornfield however...
Facts and photos from Gawker.com