My Kids Think I'm Nuts!
My kids think I'm "nuts"
(Warning: Intimate body parts will be discussed)
In my continuing quest to mother my children well beyond the age they apparently want me to, I may have gone too far with a well-intended effort to ensure their good health and now I’m concerned it might lead to years of therapy for each of them instead.
This tale begins at a health fair where I spotted some nifty little placards to hang in the shower that illustrate how to check for testicular cancer and keep track of the monthly examination. As a mother who never passes up any opportunity to send helpful information to her children, either through email or snail mail -- and whether they want it or not -- I mailed one off to each son with the words: "I know you think I'm 'nuts,' but I care about your health."
To my great surprise, neither acknowledged this latest correspondence from their ever-helpful mother. Finally I asked No. 2 son if he had received the placard I’d inserted into the same envelope as the check he needed.
"Oh my God," he spluttered. "Yes, I got it. Did you forget I share a bathroom with seven other people?"
Whoops. This had not occurred to me. "Oh, I'm so sorry, did I embarrass you? I was only thinking of your health."
"Yes, you embarrassed me. But then I thought, it's just my crazy mother again," he said. "But how would you like it, Mom, if I sent you something that told you how to check for breast cancer and wrote a note that said, 'maybe you think I'm being a boob...'?"
I considered the best way to answer, always mindful of the need to show no fear to your progeny. Finally I replied, "I would think that you loved me very much -- and cared about my health."
"GRRRRR...." was his response.
A few days later I asked No. 1 son, who works an 8 p.m. to 4 a.m. shift, if he had read the article I sent about avoiding drowsy driving that I’d put in the same envelope as his placard. "No, because when I opened the envelope and saw the cancer of the testicles thing, I stopped reading and threw it away."
"You didn't even look at it?" I whined. "I was only thinking of your health."
"Not only did I not read it," he said in an abrupt tone of voice. "We will never speak of this again."
Whoops again -- I guess I just did.