How To Make A Lame Party TOTALLY RAD

If we like to live in the moment (and omg when do we NOOOOOTT) then nothing is more disappointing than a lame party. The pre-party preparation is reason enough to absolutely dread a party that ends up not being worth it.

There's the makeup process (very serious):

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Then the fail-safe makeup process when the first one turns out like this:

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Much better:

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Then there's the egregious perfume/cologne application:

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The emotionally traumatizing 45-minutes spent getting dressed:

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You're lying, this totally makes my hair look fat.

The last-minute pre-cocktail-party cocktails:

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And of course, somebody knocks yours on the ground and you're like:

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And once you're done with all THAT, you realize there aren't enough seats in the car for everyone to go in one trip:

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But with a little stretching...

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You manage:

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FINALLY you're on the road, and you're totally excited for the amazeballz party that will make all this stressful preparation worth it. Right?

Then you get there and it's like:

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Uh-oh. LAME PARTY ALERT. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. I REPEAT: LAME PART--you get it. Don't worry, here's how to turn this snooze-a-thon into a night you'll never forget:

Lie on top of things that are not intended for such an act:

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Make it a RAPTOR PARTY!!

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When someone goes to the bathroom, have the men and the women change clothes before he/she comes back:

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Pretend the floor is lava:

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RELEASE THE HOUNDS (requires hounds):

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Put on some more upbeat music and BUST... A... MOVE:

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Turn the lights off. Add glow-sticks. Boom:

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Wrap five people up in toilet paper, and make them play charades. Anyone who tears the paper has to replace all the toilet paper with duct-tape and can only speak in riddles for the rest of the night. That will teach anyone to think twice, maybe even thrice, before inviting you to another lame party.

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Now get out there and party you animal, you.

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