The folks at HooplaHa asked me if I knew anything about grilling.

Do I grill? Does Shakespeare write? Does Mozart compose? Does Fergie have lovely lady lumps?

My middle name is Weber. Bobby Flay has me on speed dial. Carolina and Texas stopped arguing over who makes the best barbeque and just accepted that it was me. In high school I was voted mostly likes to barbeque. In 2009 I entered the National Chili cook-off and take home the $10,000 grand prize. The secret ingredient? I cooked burgers and dogs instead of chili.

Sure, I mean I guess I grill sometimes. Here are ten things to throw on the charcoal. Happy grilling season everybody.

1. Fish. Boom! Curveball right out of the box. Skin on, whole fish. It’ll look like you pulled it out of the sea with your bare hands. It could really be a party with a fish. Remember that Zima commercial in 1994? YouTube it. Anyway whole fish is something different. Or Zomething Different.

2. Burgers and Dogs. Fish was first because I’m contractually obligated by Zima to do so. Zomething different! Burgers and dogs couldn’t wait long though. Greatness doesn’t wait. I like to put bbq sauce under the cheese on my burgers. Every bite is a surprise then. They are united in that they are vehicles for condiments. I love condiments. You should see my place it’s littered with condiment wrappers.

3. Corn. Leave them in the husks. Soak them. Throw them on. It looks cool. This is how they are cooked at street fairs and carnivals.

4. Potatoes. Wrap them in tinfoil and some butter and throw them on. Bubba should have talked about potatoes in Forrest Gump. You can cook them many more ways. My personal favorite is mashed and fermented. With 7 Up.

5. Ribs. From Adam’s rib came women. From Lloyd’s Ribs we get delicious food. And a lot of barbeque sauce all over our face.

6. Veggies. Time to get hooplahealthy. You want to get tight for beach season you’re going to have to make smart choices. Cut some vegetable strips and marinate them. Unless you like the taste of them as is. Good for you Johnny Sixpack.

7. Steak. Time for some real talk. I saved it for here because 7 is a lucky number. People feel good when they see it. Ok. Deep breath. Steak is over rated. Woo. More real talk. It’s not as overrated as bacon! That was off topic but seemed like the right time to say it. Steak is still good. It’s just tough to cook on a grill. And unless you are a butcher how do you know what cut to get? I think steak is an expert level move. It’s the black diamond run when most of us should probably stay on the bunny slope.

8. Shish kebab. Meat and vegetable on a skewer. It’s a complete meal. These are always a winner. You can do chicken, steak or even shrimp. Probably lamb. I really think any meat’s going to taste good like this. Except hooplahuman meat. Most dangerous game does not make for a tasty meal. And it’s got to be illegal right? Don’t break the law. Eat some shrimp.

9. Pizza. We had power knocked out for a few days by a big storm. I knew pretty early on that we weren’t going to be getting it back so instead of waiting to throw all the food out I decided to light up the grill and start cooking. Lot of weird things got thrown on that grill but pizza was the nicest surprise.

10. Chicken. This is a personal favorite. You put a good dry rub on it. Something with brown sugar. Make sure not to overcook it. Just don’t tell Johnny Sixpack what he’s eating. If he knew he’d spend the rest of the day doing jumping jacks.