Doin It On The Wildly Expensive
In case you missed it, Preston Leatherman showed us how to date with no more than $10, and soon he'll show us how to work on our fitness for little dough in his segment, Doin' It On The Cheap. So for kicks, I decided to round up the most expensive items you could easily substitute for about 300% less.
To kick our list off, here's an alligator skin T-shirt going for $91,500. Surely there's something we're not seeing. Like, on the inside there's a heat blanket that keeps your body at 98 degrees no matter the weather, making it possible to never have to wear a jacket again.
2. Here's the world's most expensive pizza. The pizza is sprinkled with gold and topped with champagne-soaked caviar and lobster marinated in the finest cognac. Creator Domenico Crolla [below] said it was worth more than $3,700. Finally, ever since the doctor yanked the silver spoon out of my mouth I've been wondering when someone would finally soak my caviar in champagne. The wait is finally over!
3. These shoes laces cost $19,000. They're made with 24 k gold. Which is good in case you find yourself in line at an independent café and when you get to the counter, you see they don't take card, you can just gnaw off (assuming you don't carry around scissors in your pocket) a piece of shoe lace and use that. I'm sure it'll fly. You'll most certainly look fly, HAAAAYYY! Hay :D
4. The world's most expensive
Dr. Seuss antlers hat is valued at $2.7 million and looks like it can read your thoughts and the thoughts of anyone in a 7 foot radius for that matter. I hear that if you feed it after midnight it grows eyes, a mouth and a cruel sense of irony.
5. Mixologist Salvatore Calabrese broke the Guinness World Record when he made the world's most expensive cocktail, running at about $8,800. The coveted ingredients of said cocktail are 1788 Clos de Griffier Vieux Cognac, 1770 Kummel Liqueur, 1860 Dubb Orange Curacao and two dashes of Angostura Bitters from the 1900s. My knowledge of the world is dwarfed by the mere phonetics of what's in this drink.
6. Okay, this is actually the most expensive t-shirt ever, because it's made out of gold. 22 karats, to be precise. The lucky, and extremely modest, owner is an Indian businessman named Datta Phuge, also known as, "Gold Man of Pimpri." (wonder how they came up with that). Phuge's passion, unsurprisingly, is gold, and he wants to leave a fair amount for the next generation, which he has accomplished by commissioning this shirt for $235,000. Do I count as the next generation?
How do you complement gold? With more gold of course!Here's a picture of him wearing the shirt under a scarf of gold chains--an obvious accessory, to not only balance out the gold shirt, but to also balance out the 6 bracelets and 25 rings. Altogether they weigh 22 pounds.
You've gotta hand it to him, though. With the protective assistance of bodyguards, he walks around in public like this. I barely trust myself in suede, let alone a child's body weight in jewelry.
7. Didn't think a pair of contacts could cost $15,000? You thought wrong! With these pupil frames made from gold plating and 18--yes, 18--diamonds, the windows to your soul will sparkle bright enough to evoke a blood curdling scream out of anyone. Good lord.
Oh, the lives of the unfathomably rich. I'd say something snarky, but they could probably snap their fingers and have me sent to Guam in a potato sack. I'll just try my hand at $10 dates instead.
Come on back to HooplaHa Next Thursday to check out the next episode of Doin' It On The Cheap, as Preston shows us how to work on our fitness with a $10 home gym. Sounds legit to me!