6 Dating Tips I Learned From The Bachelor
The Bachelor is not a show respectable people watch--or rather, it's not a show you admit to watching if you want people to respect you. I, for one, judged my friends hardcore for tuning in every Monday to watch a bunch of psychos pretend to fall in love with each other. Or hate each other. Whichever.
Before I watched the first episode of this season, I was all,
HOOOOWever, after being forced against my will to watch more than five minutes, I came to love it. Like a fruit-smoothie with spinach in it, you won't know how delicious it is until you try it.
I could talk all day about how much of a melo-dramatic train-wreck the show is and why we love that, but I'd rather talk about what I learned. Yes, The Bachelor is actually a piece of romantic-educational television. Here's what I learned while watching:
1. Date many at first.
When you start dating, make plans to meet as many people as you can. You don't have to invite 20 potential suitors over in one night. That only works when there are television cameras and someone to stop people from attacking one another. Make several dates with different girls or guys and see what you find. With more people, you'll have a better idea of who you want to be friends with, or take things further with.
2. While on a first date, be less crazy than you actually are. Remember Ashley, the girl who introduced herself to this year's bachelor by pulling a tie out of her bra?
Yeaaaahhhh I would wait until the third or fourth date to explain how much of an avid "50 Shades of Gray" fan you are. In fact, you might be better off never admitting to that. Keep the cooky stuff under wraps until you're sure he won't run away screaming.
3. Drunk is less cute than you think it is. Poor Ashley, all she wanted to do was let loose a little, but things got uncomfortable when she hit the wet bar. And she, well, oh dear...
Getting tipsy can help ease social tension, but the difference between tipsy and drunk is that one is charming and the other is like a carnival side-show. It's fun to watch, but you don't want to touch it or tell it where you live. Don't be that girl.
4. Love is not a competition. Despite the age-old addage, you can't "win" someone's heart. No matter how many contests you play, you can't make someone fall less in love with someone else because you beat her in a log-sawing race.
5. No matter how perfect your pectorals are, keep 'em covered.
I know you've worked hard to make your muscles so big you could grind garlic on them, but if you're always taking your shirt off, you'll look ridiculous. Save showing your skin for the beach, bed-time, and the pool-side. Horse-back riding is not a good time to be nude. I imagine it's a pretty bad time, in fact.
6. Being gutsy is the best thing you can do, apparently.
Lindsay, wedding-girl-wonder wore a damn wedding dress the night she met Sean, the bachelor. Normally, I'd set myself on fire if someone talked marriage on the first date, but Sean-y-boy seems to think that's pretty swell seeing how Lindsay made it to the final round. Maybe she's just a genius, mocking the whole reality-tv-love thing by taking its ridiculousness to the extreme, essentially saying, "If we're gonna do this, we're gonna freaking do this." In that case, I hope she wins.