12 Words That Don't Exist But Should

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I love words so much that I decided to invent my own, like magic! Seeing as how amazeballs recently made it into the dictionary, I might not be too far off from something legitimate.

Enjoy.

parkanoia [park-uh-noy-uh] (n): when you park a new car miles away from a store entrance to protect it from stray shopping carts and other drivers whose cars are so dented they don't CARE what they bump.

example: My dad's parkanoia made appliance shopping very difficult.

dessertion [dez-er-shun] (n): A brief moment when your life flashes before your eyes due to a freak accident, or disaster, where you regret not eating more dessert.

example: As she watched the last lifeboat descend to the ocean's surface, Meryl was overcome with dessertion and thought, I should have just had the damn brownie.

hailwing [hayl-weeng] (v): When the friend you're visiting in the city tells you stop trying to hail a cab before you get run over, stupid, and pulls you back from the road and protects you like a goose shielding her young beneath a wing.

example: Amy hailwinged John after he unknowingly tried to flag down a speeding felafel truck.

driftminimus [drift-min-ih-muhs](n): when your tires squeak from turning slightly or starting up a little too fast at a stop sign, giving you a minimal amount of time to pretend you're in Tokyo Drift sequel.

example: Because my tires are bald, it gets driftminimus every time I turn on to Main Street.

noodlecide [noo-duhl-syde] (n): When you're boiling pasta and the noodle you want to test gets scared and leaps off the spoon and plummets beneath the burner.

example: A mass noodlecide left Jeremy's kitchen smelling like torched pasta.

gluttenvy [glut-en-vee] (n): The sweeping bitterness you feel when the food you ordered doesn't look as good as another diner's.

example: Gluttenvy looked poor on Gretchen as she eyed the duck bouillabaisse passing on the arm of a disinterested waiter.

greap [grayp] (adj): When something grape flavored actually tastes good.

example: "This grape soda is better than tolerable, it's greap!"

scarflace [skar-flis] (n): A scarf worn purely for decorative purposes.

example: Jacob's scarflace was the source of everyone's envy at the Fourth of July picnic.

tragediva [traj-eh-dee-vuh] (n): someone whose fame is enhanced or exacerbated by committing social faux-pas or actual crimes.

example: Lindsay Lohen.

meangurlenfreude [meen-guhr-lehn-froyd] (n): the philosophy that any conversation held between humans could eventually lead to a Mean Girls reference.

example: If we believe in meangurlenfreude, we should expect at least one fake compliment for every three minutes of polite conversation.

studate [stuh-dayt] (n): A date poorly concealed by the false pretense of "studying."

example: I invited Kelly over for a studate to help me learn the state capitols...

prince [prihntz] (v): To prince; to sweep someone off his or her feet.

example:

"Where did Jenny go?"

"Some guy just walked up, said she was cute and asked if she would honor him by being his date for Valentine's Day. Then he threw his cape around his shoulders and carried her out the door."

"Egads! She's been princed!"

"Yeah, she turned to me on the way out and was all, 'Don't forget to DVR Sister Wives.'"

"Good, I almost forgot. Let's order Thai and watch re-runs of Weeds in the meantime."

"Nice."

 

 

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